Where You Need to Be

It has been over a week since my last post, so first and foremost, I apologize for that. My hope for this blog was that I’d post something three or four times a week. Twice at the very least, if I could help it. But that fell through this week. My schedule changed quite drastically and I was busy adjusting to that. During my “free” time, I was so drained that I couldn’t muster enough energy for a blog and was in bed by 9 on most nights (which I was totally okay with).

I saw a photograph recently of a person standing in front of a display of flowers. In the space between their feet and the purple, white, and yellow buds, there is a text that reads, “You are exactly where you need to be.”

Over the past year, and especially quite recently, I often find myself worrying about what I am doing with my life and whether I am following the right path. For as long as I can remember, there has been a “plan.” Go to school. Graduate from high school. Go to college. Study abroad. Graduate from college. And I proudly accomplished all of those things. That structure was reassuring and gave me a feeling of ease because I knew what I was doing and what my next step would be. Since then, with the addition of so many different options, the plan has sort of fizzled out and left a multitude of questions in its wake. Do I go back to school for a Master’s degree? Do I work on establishing my career or dabble in as many different jobs as I can? Do I move back to the northeast (where I spent four wonderful years for university), the west coast (where I was born and raised for nearly six years), or somewhere entirely new? Do I even stay in the country, or should I venture abroad again? Do I do something familiar or do I take the road less traveled and forge my own path?

Then I question the choices I’ve made in the past. Those choices have led me to the person I am today, but I wonder how different would my life be and how much of a different person would I be had I made other choices. If my family had never moved from California to New York, what would my childhood have looked like? If I hadn’t quit soccer in high school, after playing for eight years, would I one day make the US Women’s National team and play in the World Cup? What would I be doing if I had not gone to college for writing?

My life is not as put together as I’d imagined it would be by the time I was (almost) 23. My life feels very similar to the lives of my friends and peers up until a certain point, and then it feels like we’ve entered vastly different worlds. I feel like I’m spinning in circles trying to figure things out and everyone else has confidently moved ten steps ahead of me. I am clambering to find a path that fits me best, constantly worried that I will miss an opportunity and go tumbling down the mountain. Something I know, and have known for a long time, is that things hardly ever go as planned. When I went away to college and when studied abroad, I was without my usual safety net so I finally learned how to really deal with things when they didn’t turn out how I expected. When no one else was around, I learned to be okay doing things by myself. I learned to follow through with things I was scared or unsure of. I slept on cold airport floors with friends when we needed to save our money for food and transportation.

Life happens when it does for a reason. I believe that every choice we make influences the next. I ate a refreshing strawberry, raspberry, banana smoothie bowl topped with granola and chia seeds for breakfast this morning, but the rest of my day would have happened differently had I eaten cereal or oatmeal instead. It’s okay that I don’t have it all figured out quite yet; I’ll get where I get when I get there. Maybe I’ll travel for a while or pick up some new hobbies. Maybe I’ll find my dream job tomorrow or work three different ones at once while I decide what it is I like best. Maybe I’ll learn a new language or five.

The one thing I am sure of is that I am exactly where I need to be.

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3 thoughts on “Where You Need to Be

  1. Erin says:

    I’m so grateful you’ve chosen to share your words, it’s always nice to know you’re not the only one feelin’ the way you’re feelin’! My favorite post thus far because it resonates so deeply with me.. for the past year, especially as of late, I’ve been questioning and stressed if I’m going down the right path. I have noticed that I spend a great deal of time comparing myself to others, especially when it comes to jobs/career choices! I have found it hard to travel down a path different than the one I expected to take and have experienced many bouts of criticism, doubt and betrayal, but at the end of the day, it’s the most rewarding journey. Every single thing that has happened has led me to this place and I know I will continue to end up being exactly where I need to be. Trust the signs the Universe provides, follow your gut instincts and live life with compassionately with your heart wide open 🙂

    Thank you again for sharing your words of wisdom and for the beautiful, beaming energy that you radiate!

    Liked by 1 person

    • ennaacissej says:

      Wow. Your words mean so much to me. Thank you for your words as well. I commend you for making the hard choices even when they’re hard, because you’re doing the best for you. That’s really all we can ask for, isn’t it?

      Sending lots of positive vibes and love to you on the west coast.

      Like

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